Brooding blog is moving!

Hey everyone!

Thank you for following my blog so far. I actually created a website and I have subscribed to your blog feeds so I don't miss anything. You can still follow me at http://www.sniffingpuppy.com/Ruthie/Brooding/Brooding.html. Yeah its a long one but you can simply type www.sniffingpuppy.com really. I divided my blog into 3 things. Photography , Marley and Brooding. You can easily subscribe to my RSS feed by clicking on the blue RSS symbol on each blog and bookmarking it if you like. I mainly show my updates on Facebook, Friendster and Myspace. I might try Twitter or buzz whichever.

I might still return to Blogger if this website doesn't work out. So far I'm loving it :-) The only reason I can see for staying in Blogger is when I actually want to generate some income through Blogging. I did my research for that and I don't think I want to do it. I just want to expose photographs and shorts stories I make. The iWeb software is perfect for photos and so easy to update. You can easily post comments on my blogs there without having to sign in on anything. So I hope you follow me to www.sniffingpuppy.com! Don't forget to bookmark!

What I will miss in Germany

In about two months we will be on our way to Alaska. With all the packing and paperwork that needs to be done, I just know these last two months will fly by quickly. I decided to make a list of things that I will miss in Germany. None of these are in order of importance. I just add I slowly pack away our life here.

1. Marianne and Hans -Our foster parents/landlords :-) her cakes, her coffee, and their dog Yoshi, their fish pond. I would have been a miserable couch potato without her. I also learned how easily one becomes addicted to coffee. From now on, a cup of coffee will always bring back memories from her kitchen.

2. Brotchen- mostly known was German breakfast rolls but you pretty much eat it anytime you want. The crunchy outside to the fluffy and creamy bread inside. Yum! Best with butter and ham, or cream cheese and jam.

3. Mama-China- The Chinese restaurant just about 5 minutes walking distance. The huge egg rolls, and cherry wine. I call the owner/server Mama-China because she pretty much knows what we are hungry for as soon as we call or step into her restaurant :-)

4. Fasching- A parade with free alcohol handed out to you along with little cheap snacks. Not as crowded or as rowdy as the Oktoberfest in Munich, but its enough. This is held before Ash Wednesday. Last party or carnival before Lent.

5. Spring- We live in the outskirts and round farm area, so there are small farm roads that you can take walks in preferrably in spring when the weather isn't too hot , cold or humid. There are tons of hidden lakes and quiet places to just sit and think.

6. The church and farm houses - In every small town in our area, the houses are either made of brick or some other old material. Almost every house has professional landscaping done that everybody can enjoy since the Germans here don't seem to be fond of high fences.

7. The Bowies-Chad and Kendall, our best couple friends :-) We'll see you in Alaska!

8. Trier- History and shopping in one stop. Clothing here is a little different from the selection in the US. A lot more daring , stylish not to mention, expensive!!

8. Italian Ice Cream- Unlike the normal ice cream, I never get headaches from this kind. Yoghurt flavor is the best.

9. Flowers-Every time the season changes, there is always a new variety of flowers outside and inside stores for sale. I have never seen most of the flowers. They are just gorgeous. Makes you itch to do some gardening yourself.

10. KIK- the discount store 15 minutes walking distance from home. Has everything you might need for the kitchen, bathroom and tons of cheap clothes. If it doesn't have to be durable, get it from KIK!

11. Sunsets- Our apartment's living room window displays the sunset every evening. Our home is the prettiest thing ever every evening when the weather is good. Just sitting down at our balcony and drinking some ice wine...ah this is the life.

12. Guten Tag, Gut Morgen--the greetings I get from every person who walks by while I wait for Marley to go poop heheh.

13. Being in the middle of the EU countries- about 2 hours drive from Belgium, 3 hours from Amstersam, 1 hour from Luxembourg, 4 hours from Paris, 1 flight away from spain and the rest...wish i was able to see everything...wah

14. Home Decor- In the US you enter a Michaels, or Jo-Anns or a furniture store and you can easily just copy past home decor and accents. Most Germans go natural by putting orchids and different kinds of crystal or glass decor at their windows, unique curtains, antique lamps with candles at the door step.

15. Wine- Ice wine , the Reislings, and the french wine from Luxembourg Marianne sometimes opens up just for when I visit.

16. Festivals- Pig fest in Wittlich, Winefest in Bernkastel, Medievalfest in Manderschied , Christmas Bazaar in Trier. Probably tons more I missed.

17. Polish Pottery- I just bought one , but looking at those blue ceramic works of art makes my day.

18. Schnitzel--of course how could I forget, the pork made into sausages or bratwurst, currywurst etc etc etc.

19. Beer-- Belgium and Germany, people probably drink beer more than water here.

20. Recycling- People actually do separate their trash. On bulk trash day is the day you look around for neat stuff people throw away but would look good for the apartment, like home decor, baskets, couches, pots, ceramics. One time there was a guy with an actual trailer stopping from one house to another hehe no shame whatsoever.

21. Bakeries- always fresh bread and cakes. You can buy a slice of each and try every single confection.

22. Autumn- I will never forget how pretty it is here in the Fall. All sorts of colors come out of the trees.

That's it for now, I'm sure there will be more as I move one...

Marley's World Part 3 The Mysterious dark figure at the door...

One day, Ruthie and Justin started to take everything from inside the apartment and proceeded to pile it up in that noisy contraption they called a "car". I watched them go somewhere and come back with the car all empty and ready for more stuff. They finally put me and my cage in the car and we drove for a few minutes to the new place. It wasn't exactly a fun ride. I was little dizzy by the time we stopped.

As soon as I got out of the car I knew there was something very special about the place.

I could smell it.

I got so excited that I piddled all over. Of course I got smacked for that. I figured it was alright to start making my mark in the new apartment this early on in the silly game of piddle.



As the chaos involved in moving in ensued I could hardly contain myself . I was beginning to worry that my excitement was due to something I ate. There was this new Tall one who would come and knock on the door once in awhile with something sweet and wonderful in her hands. Justin and Ruthie called this one  "Marianne". I was not that interested in her at that time . I felt that she did talk a little weird. There is something in this new place that I still can't put my paw on.

The door in this new place wasn't like the boring dark one we had at the old apartment. One could actually almost see through it. I could smell through it better too. I'm talking about this door because one day there was this huge black mound sitting at the other side of the closed door. I could see it. It was still like it was waiting for something. 

I panicked.

Woof! Mommy what's that?!

I had no idea what it was. I just knew that it was what I was waiting for. I was too scared to do anything else.  Ruthie stepped out quickly closing  the door behind her. She must have figured out how to get rid of the dark mysterious figure because it appeared like it just walked away. Of course she never explained to me what it was. Such bad parenting! How could she?  I was traumatized!!

It was like that for the next a couple of days. The dark figure just kept coming. It seemed to have made its place in front of our door. Ruthie would get rid of it as soon as she heard me panic again. I was getting tired of it. That's why I decided to put matters into my own hands. As usual. What is this world coming too?

I discovered that there was this little thing under the door that when placed right, would prevent the door from closing properly. I studied it for days. I would quietly clawed that little piece until it was finally in the perfect position. The door barely locks into place by the time I was done. I waited for the dark figure to arrive. This time I didn't make any noise. Shivering in anticipation, I waited for the dark figure to figure out that the door was not totally closed.

BAM! The door was finally opened!

YOSHI!!!!!!

That was Ruthie yelling.

I didn't really care.

In came this huge dark figure I have been smelling and waiting for for days. He was in fact this huge 4 pawed creature. I sniffed at him again. He's a dog! Just like me! I didn't feel silly about being nervous around him however. The other dogs I have seen where never this big! And I certainly never got this close to one without a leash or protection of any sort. He looked menacing.

"Who are you !? What do you want?!" I yelped.

"Hallo. Möchten Sie herausgehen und spielen? Ich bin Yoshi!" he replied (thank you Yahoo Babel Fish)

"Huh?" I did not understand a word.

He remained calm as I started to nip at his ears. "Answer me you big idiot...who are you?!"

This time he answered me in a way I could understand " I see that you speak what my mistress would call 'English'. I am Yoshi. I live downstairs. I was wondering if you would want to go and explore Marianne's garden with me".

I was a little intimidated by his very proper and polite manner. But I decided to go with him, much to Ruthie's displeasure.

Marianne welcomed us downstairs and led us to her pretty garden. There , Yoshi loosened up a lot more. He was a dog after all. That was more like it! He showed me the best little spots to cool off in the summer. He instructed me on how to drink from the fish pond without ruining his master's flowers. He told me to leave the smug little fishes alone. They didn't taste good anyway. No matter how attractive they looked.  He even showed me where to relieve myself without being a nuisance.

I followed him everywhere. He seemed to be a very wise one. He is a lot of fun to hang out with. Not only that, his mistress, Marianne, gave me way better snacks. None of those measly dry , tasteless crackers that Ruthie gave me..the cheat!! Instead, I got these tiny round and juicy tidbits of something! I was helplessly and hopelessly in love....I think I just found my soulmate/s ;-)

I spent the rest of the summer playing with Yoshi and being fattened by Marianne. It was wonderful. As soon as the leaves started falling from the trees tho, things started to change. It started to get cold. Yoshi didn't seem to be up to much activity when the season changed. Ruthie started to keep me indoors more and more. I knew Yoshi was lonely, because I could hear him crying, all the way upstairs. I could see him through the glass doors. He would raise his head up and howl, probably like his ancestors.

"I'm sorry buddy! They will pay for this injustice!" I would call out. I had little hope that my measly bark could reach him at that point.

I was bent on revenge. I tore up all the little toys Ruthie offered me. "Its blood money! I shall not be bribed! I want my friend back".

But alas, no matter what I did, Yoshi and I were destined to be kept apart. At least until the weather started to warm again. I finally lapsed into being the nice little lapdog that my Tall ones seem to appreciate the most. Those days, I just curled myself into the beanbag and dreamt of those free days Yoshi and I used to have. 

To be continued

Marley's World Part 2

There I was minding my own business when "she" and her friend came bursting into the house. "She" gave off this most annoying sound when she first saw me.  It was then that I learned that "Justin" was the name for the Tall one with the warm tummy. Justin called this squeaky being "Ruthie". She was the same one he referred to as "mommy"

She squeezed and pulled my ears and made noises all over me. It was most alarming.  She also  started scrubbing floors and cleaning. I've already marked my place in this house, how dare she erase the scent I've spread around the place! So of course I tried to make up for what she messed up as soon as possible, but she grabbed me and flung me outside in the cold before I made my deposit on the living room floor. Why, I've never encountered anybody so cruel in my life!

Ooh my days of lying in bed with Justin were numbered. They suddenly came home one day with this huge and ugly contraption that's supposed to be my bed! They locked me in there all night long no matter how much I whined and cried. Justin! How could you let her do this to me!!!

One good thing happened since she's been here though. They gave me some really good slushy wet food. I was so upset with all the changes that I ate my feelings. My stomach got so big I could barely walk. Oh boy, was I gonna pay for eating too much. I started "going" accidentally in my bed. The world started getting all blurry and slow. I started feeling weak no matter what the evil Ruthie fed me. And when I thought things were getting better she brings me to this place where they stick needles into you!

I believed I was doomed to have a miserable life!! But I guess those needles worked, because I suddenly didn't feel so bad anymore.

As soon as I was feeling better, this Ruthie started taking me outside more. She kept pulling me along into the grass saying "Marley, go poop!" . I had no idea what she meant until she started giving me snacks after I made my deposit outside of home. Ah so that's what she meant all along! Why keep myself in that small space of an apartment when I can mark the whole outside world as mine!!! Mine, mine!!! Wahahaha. This Ruthie isn't that bad after all. 

We started getting along more. I realized how much I have her wrapped around my cute little paws. All I needed to do was nose around her and she would pick me up and give me scratches and massages. If I was lucky I would get a good snack just for following her around the house! 

Ah this is the life. So this is what a Mommy is like.

I however, have enemies in the household. I could never get any attention  when the Tall ones were facing this flat white colorful screen.  It had its cousins too. Two smaller flat colorful screens. I was surrounded. It was always guaranteed that if Justin or Ruthie sat in front of these things , I would be left alone bored for hours. I then carefully planned my attack. 

They were fast asleep. They trusted me enough for some reason not to be locked inside my bed. Hehe foolish move on their part. I made my way around the apartment, thankful for my super power gift of night vision. There it is! I new as soon as that white line connected to it was severed, the flat screens won't have any life anymore. I managed to grab and munch on these lines all night long. I kept at it till the flat screens didn't have any more light or life emanating from them. Success! Or so I thought.

Oh was in for in it the next day. Justin smacked me several times. Ruthie smacked me several times. But I knew this would just be for a moment. True enough things calmed down within the day. I was bidding my time for when I get to the others. They haven't been careless to let me loose at night lately. They protected my enemies. I've been betrayed!!!

Someday, I will get them all.

***tzusuku...er to be continued...

My Weight Issue

I try to pretend it isn't but yes it is an issue. I have never felt so ugly and repulsive in my life. There is nothing more depressing than that double chin hanging out when you think you're giving a sexy smile. That huge ham like arm when you wear t-shirts is just downright disgusting. Of course don't forget about the huge belly pinched and displayed by you're once best pair of jeans. None of the pretty clothes I own look good on me. Yes I may look cute at one angle, but the over all outcome is just ...YUCK! Oh I'm not indulging in self pity. If you are one of those nicely shaped people and you notice the weight situation in others, I'm pretty sure there is a tiny impulse there. The "eww" impulse.

Oh yeah was I smug as a skunk when I had that Judo-trained body 4 years ago. I could slip into anything and look good. It didn't matter  that I had tons of acne, braces that made my breath stink, almost skeletal facial features than I never thought was that healthy. I sense people admiring my muscle tone and I loved it. Forget that I was a hag haha. (Now that is self-pity right there*smack*)

After college, I filled up a little and developed some ass and chubbier cheeks. That was even better. My braces were taken off. For once, my pearly whites had a nice face to be set against. Sadly the acne was still there, but who cares. This is the stage when I nabbed a husband. Ah those were the days.

Nowadays I would be watching something and notice how such simple clothes can look so good on a thin person. And when I say thin I mean early 2000 Angelina Jolie thin. My husband is getting tired of my frustrated exclamation. "I wish I was thin and pretty so I can wear all that pretty stuff!"

Don't get me wrong. I'm not wanting to look good so I can attract some extra action. It is clear to me that how I look is directly related to I feel about myself. That feeling is very much related to how I feel about other people and the world. I wouldn't call this desire to be vanity. I would call it, an attraction to beauty. I'm not talking about media produced beauty either. I'm attracted to something that is just so perfect, so right that it makes your heart ache. 

I know and it also obvious to others that what I have now is wrong. This is not how God wants me to be. So I'm going to bother some simple phrases used in the multi-million dollar US weight loss industry. "Do something about it! Get those college jeans to fit you again!".

They are all the same of course. Sooner or later you would realize you wasted your time and money. You will see it in every disclaimer,  term and agreement or warning that the program would not work if you are not helping yourself. People like me who have tried and failed a number of times are getting frustrated, insecure, and insipid in the mean time. 

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only poor soul coping with this problem. I refuse to believe that I am alone in this! In fact the majority of women in my age bracket are probably in the same exact situation. We are alarmed by all this weight and frustrated. We are battling between our vanities and desire to be true to ourselves. I know the world is as harsh to the overweight as much as I am harsh to myself about it. That's the saddest part.

So how do I deal with this? There is no easy answer. Sorry Denise Austin and Dr. Atkins. Your diets and exercise routines are not as holistic as you think they are. The answer will only come from my own heart, mind and  soul. Brooding about it might help extract some of that God give wisdom. I know its in here somewhere, buried in all that fat hehe.

Marley's World Part 1

I don't really understand how I ended up in this home. The first memories I have of my master and mistress was of this soft resilient bed they laid me on. It was so comfortable I ended up sleeping in it for awhile. I later realized it was my soon-to-be-master's warm tummy I was lying on.

It was so confusing when I was pulled away from those other furry creatures who looked like me. I no longer had that "milk" the Tall ones call, readily available from mother. In fact the last few days I tried to have some, she didn't want to give me anymore. She was so cruel!

The Tall one with the warm tummy took me to his "home". I was hoping for "milk" but he gave me some hard and crunchy stuff to feed on. It took a lot of getting used to. After awhile, the crunchies weren't so bad. They actually tasted really good.  It seemed I was expected to sleep in this brown box that was so unfamiliar. I wasn't going to have that. I whined and cried and made as much noise possible until the Tall one with the warm tummy came and picked me up to sleep next to him. 

Perfect. This scent I could get used to. This warmth I would enjoy for as long as I can. Maybe whining and crying can get this Tall one wrapped around my cute little paws. That's what I thought

However, Tall one with the warm tummy left me alone a lot. That wasn't fun. I knew he wasn't inside the  place he called "home". He would be gone for hours and hours. I took comfort in the scent he left behind. The strongest of his scent came from this dark closet with soft folded things he called "boxer shorts" and "socks". I wish he would leave me more crunchies.

At one point , Tall one with the warm tummy picked me up to face this bright flat thing that had another Tall one inside it. He would push my sleepy face on it and say, "Marley, there's mommy!". It's all so confusing.

First of all, who is this "Marley"? Second, what the hell is a "mommy"? I started to realize that this "Marley" seem to refer to me.  Whenever Tall one with the warm tummy would say it loudly, it's usually when I had one of his boxer shorts and socks in my mouth. I thought at first that "Marley" meant that I was in for a smack in the head. But later on he would also use it when my crunchies  were ready.

I was always curious about what this "mommy" was. I had no idea I was in for a horrifying experience.

...to be continued.

Nature Walk

I had to get out of the house after being stuck indoors for two whole days. Spring is pretty but I hate the unpredictability of the weather. The rainy days affected my mood so much  that I fell into brooding about my life. That wasn't good. Brooding usually gets me to notice all my annoying characteristics.  So annoying that I'm not even going to share. 

So I decided to leave my dog Marley to Yoshi, his German Shepherd/Husky babysitter, and go for a walk. If I had the energy maybe some jogging. 

And boy did I walk.

As soon as hit the path I put on my music. (It's illegal to have headphones on in Germany if you walk around streets where cars and bicycles may happen by). The place was deserted.  I could already smell the manure from the potato fields. I welcomed all of this. I had no idea how much I was craving this short freedom that was just a 5 minute walk from home.

The music pumped me enough to go sprinting through the path. I felt like I was flying. For about a full 30 seconds I didn't feel that expected tightening of the lungs from the sheer effort of running that fast. Thank God I was alone because I started laughing a little crazily as I slowed down. Who would have thought sprinting would feel that good. You all would probably think I was on some kind of drug.

Then it began. Endorphins kicked in and my senses were suddenly overwhelmed with everything. I wish I had a camera then. No I wish I had the talent to photograph the experience I was having. I wish I could sing. That's easy. What I really wanted was the guts to write poetry or make a song. I really really wished at that point that I could extract from this reality, save it in some form and share it. I am neither skilled or talented to do anything about it. Here I am trying to write about it but I don't think I'm putting it across the way I really want to.

Anyone walking through the same area would have thought it plain. Its just a bunch of weeds and fields. It's just evergreen stumps near rows and rows of green. Normally, I would have been annoyed with the bugs smacking into my face as I walk by.

But the cool wind felt really good on my face. The weeds and dandelions looked so pretty together. The silence of trees and the fields spoke to me. I started wishing my legs didn't get tired so easily. I wish I didn't have to turn back. I could have gone further. The path seemed endless. But typical worries started to plague me. What if I get lost? What if some animal comes blundering by and I get injured? What if it rains? 

I saw another woman walking the same path towards me with her dog.  I thought to myself "no not yet" I didn't want to walk back to my life yet. But I could already feel it. The heavy pull of daily concerns and responsibility. I had to leave this peaceful place. Maybe, I thought, I can come back tomorrow. 

I picked up my dog, had coffee with my landlord, and made my way home. I wondered if a rainy day tomorrow would not be so bad after all. It has, after all pushed me enough to experience something more  from something so ordinary as a nature walk. Maybe brooding wasn't so bad after all. I realized how much I enjoy it. That's probably why I had so many annoying characteristics. It is so I can brood and be unhappy. It is so I can go experience normal things in a different light and appreciate it. Man, am I lucky.